Authors Note: This is a paragraph written from Roger's perspective to inform you on what he was feeling the other night.
Hi my name is Roger and I felt like a criminal last night around 11:00. I looked around the corner and saw a large woman Mrs. Luella Bates Washington Jones and I thought she was a perfect target. I garbed her purse with all my strength I tugged but lost my balance and fell to the ground. Then she kicked me in the right square of my blue-jeaned sitter. I felt ashamed of myself as she picked me up, all I wanted was a pair of shiny blue suede shoes I told her. She took me to her home and helped me wash my face. The door was wide open. I looked at the women then looked at the door and eventually went to the sink. I was ashamed of myself. She seemed nice and I wish I never had tried to take her purse. By the end of the night she gave me the 10 dollars I needed to buy the suede shoes I desperately wanted.
I liked the point of view, I could tell it was in Roger's eyes. I think the only thing you should work on is being just a little more descriptive. I think you did really well describing the scene though.
ReplyDeleteLiked how you said blue jean sitter.
ReplyDeleteI think that your organization of facts could be more organized and work on your word choice and placement.
I really like how you used plenty of facts from the story.
I liked the point of view from Roger's point of view.
ReplyDeleteBut try to work on proof reading.